Why Two Jacks?

You know about Jack and Sherry

And a little 'bout Utah Jack

But whatcha got to remember

There's four Jacks in every deck (pack)

Deck (pack) back slap

Bottom feeders

Feed on crap

And it's easier now

To tear a phone book in half

So I introduce to you

Two more Jacks

They won't rub, but slap your back

Non-back rubbin'

Rachel Stubbins

Married them both

Because they kept her cummin'

Who's this Rachel?

You might ask

Who married two Jacks

That slapped her back

Deck (pack) back slap

Bottom slapping

Men named Jack

And you gotta remember

There's four to a pack (deck)

The Admiral Redressing Phyllis

The Admiral had gone out to Victoria Gardens
In beautiful Rancho Cucamonga, California
He found the parking to be convenient
And appreciated being given the choice
Of a paid meter up close to the store
Or a free spot just a short walk away

He found the perfect metered spot on Main Street
And though his Bradley M2 Fighting Vehicle took up three spaces
He only paid for parking on the foremost meter
It was, after all, only one vehicle

He was aware, but only in the slightest of ways
That he was entering the Victoria's Secret
Located in Victoria Gardens
And that if he were not just another shallow character
In one of Joel Huschle's blogs
He would find deeper meaning
In what Joel would call the Double Victoria Conundrum

So The Admiral, remaining two-dimensional
And realizing that Joel had to get ready for work
Bought a bunch of creepy lingerie for Phyllis
And drove back to Puddingstone to dress her up for a special night

On Being a Head in a Bag: Dagmar's Head, Specifically

I no longer need my eyes to see
They've dried to the point
Of being useless to me
The fact that I'm thinking
Is neither blessing nor curse
The sackcloth I'm kept in
Isn't unlike a purse
I actually feel a sense of relief
Because I don't have to eat
And I don't have to breathe
I don't have to worry about paying my bills
Of laundering clothes or taking my pills
I've no sense of smell although surely I'm stinking
And I'm starting to hear what my captors are thinking

Make a Face: Zeke's Sierra Gold Floating Trout Bait®

A soul on a wire leash wanted his attention
The woman who had made faces at him
After he had been captured and surgically altered
Was now attempting to communicate
This time faceless
She wanted him to let her in
"I freed you! Remember the night I freed you?"

The Keeper had been learning from his four captives
Allowing them brief visitations with one another
In exchange for lessons
Lessons about humans
Essentially lessons about deception and entitlement
Not earned but gained through luck or chance

Evolution must have its reasons, mustn't it?

The Keeper had learned that trust was humanity's favorite trap
Whether it's the treble hook hidden by:

Or the pleas of a lonely scientist

Who, one night, let pity and whiskey get the best of her

And now she wanted his help

Oh, he planned to let her in

But not until she made one last face for him

A trust face

Obviously Witches

The Sun Lounge waitresses

Used carved sticks to weave sackcloth blindfolds

To be used in the pairing ritual

All eight men would willingly allow

The Sun Lounge waitresses

To blindfold them and paint fake eyes

Onto the sackcloth blindfolds

By rubbing yellow dandelion flowers

Dampened with their own spit

To create two cartoonish jaundiced circles

Over the spots where the real eyes resided

Suppressed Joviality Runtime Error 0.386-5

This is to be sung by Jack Housen. In a wading pool:

One day while playing my guitar I met a sad man named Omar

He said he was from the future

And was actually constructed from the DNA

From the severed head of Dagmar

Omar said to me

"Don't suppress your joviality because to do so would be stupid!"

I told him, I am Jack Housen and I have little tolerance for sad men!

And then. He told me. Again:

"Don't suppress your joviality because to do so would be stupid!"

It was then that I realized that I am simply a mouthpiece for Joel Huschle

And that Joel has horribly misinterpreted what his analyst said

Because to correctly interpret a Jungian

You must learn how to have fun again

(to the tune of Paperback Writer)

Archetype fighter!

Chapter 2: A New Character or Two

Christopher MacMurray sauntered into the Sun Lounge
At the beautiful Crystal Springs Resort in Sussex County, New Jersey
His caddy was a tall, thirsty twig of a man that everyone called Utah Jack
The waitresses at the Sun Lounge wore clothing at work because it felt protective
And helped them adhere to social norms
While Christopher sauntered up to the bar, Utah Jack simply walked
The bartender was a fully-clothed racist named Ripley Hamilton
Jack ordered a glass of soda water with no ice
Christopher ordered a Cape May IPA and after the first sip, thought:

A decidedly hoppy and bitter, moderately strong American pale ale.  The beer emphasizes the hop aroma and flavor while muting the hop bitterness.  Loaded with Cascade hops that provide Floral and citrus notes.

Jack ordered a glass of soda water with no ice

But you already knew that

Ripley Hamilton put the drinks on their room tab

While thinking hateful thoughts about people whom he believed were of a different race than he

That's what racists do

The waitresses were fertile and ready for the breeding ceremony

Utah Jack ordered a glass of soda water with no ice

Phyllis is Tied to an Expensive Chair

The Admiral paced in front of Phyllis

Back and forth, like in the movies

When a uniformed soldier is biding time and waiting for answers

He was good at this, having seen many movies

Phyllis sat, restrained with 

Safariland Double Cuff Disposable Handcuffs ®

To an Xten Anthracite Ergonomic Office Chair Designed by Pininfarina ®

She faced forward with her back to the fish shelf

Her temple still bandaged with protective cushioning around the wiring

The Admiral knew she could both see and hear him

Though he also knew she had a designated pass to the Aquanet

And would certainly be lurking about

Trying to make sense of it all

He only hoped she would understand the importance of her prior research

And that his actions were less a betrayal and more of a sacrifice

Because he loved, and was in love, with her

And the only way he could keep her alive

Is if she helped him find The Keeper